Days in the Sun






May 24, 2005 - The Choice

“Daddy ! Daddy ! Look what the pretty lady gave me !”

Spike raised his eyes from his notes to the 4 years-old child who was running to him, a doll in her arms. He put the pages aside and helped her climb on his knees, half listening to her rendering of her fun at the park, his hands playing with her dark blonde locks. He had been beginning to worry ; the sun had set a little while ago, and his Slayer was always home with the children before night.

He felt her entering the room, and turned to her, instinctively smiling. The grin however disappeared when he saw how pale she was. She was holding their son in her arms, clutching him tightly. Her eyes had a look he had very rarely seen in them. She was scared.

The words of his daughter finally permeated his mind.

“And then when we were leaving the pretty lady came and she gave me this doll. She said her name is Missaydit and I have to take care of her and she will tell me stories. Do dolls tell stories, Daddy ?”

His eyes dropped to the doll the child was holding. A beautiful porcelain doll, dressed in lace and satin. He had bought or stolen a few dolls just like this one in his time. Same eyes, same faces, same hair. Same name. Miss Edith.

“Then she said she wanted William back. Daddy, she’s not going to take William, is she ? He is ours, right ?”

Kissing the child’s hair, he murmured soft reassuring words and sent her to play in her room. His eyes returned to Buffy, who had not moved an inch, and was still holding on to their son for dear life.

“I didn’t realize it was so late,” she said in a whisper. “We were having so much fun. And then, next thing I know, the sun is going down. And she was there.”

He walked to her, and hugged her and the sleeping child.

“I’ll go take care of it. Don’t worry pet, everything will be ok.”

She shook her head. “Spike, I don’t understand. She could have killed us. The three of us. And she didn’t. Why ?”

He pressed his face to her hair, breathing the familiar and comforting scent.

“She has no interest in you, luv. It’s her William she wants. It’s only if he doesn’t come to her that she will start playing nasty games. So he will go.”

Reluctantly, he moved away from her. There was nothing to discuss. He had to go find his Dark Princess. And he had to go now. He could feel Buffy’s eyes on him as he grabbed his leather coat from the closet and slipped it on.

“Spike…”

Coming back to her, he kissed her, gently, briefly, and brushed his fingers on her cheek.

“Don’t worry, luv. I’ll be back before you know it.”

Another kiss, on her forehead, and he was gone.

An hour later, Spike was sliding in the quiet house, heading straight for the first floor. He could hear Buffy in the nursery, reading a bedtime story to their children. He should have stopped in, reassured her, kiss the little ones good night. He should have, but he couldn’t. Not now. Not yet.

Going straight to the bathroom, he left his clothes in a pile on the floor and stepped in the shower. Leaning against the icy tiles, he let the water run over him, warm the surface of his cold flesh, wishing it could warm his dead heart too. Ashes were running down the drain from his stained hands.

He did not hear her come in the room, and was startled when her arms encircled him, her body pressing against his back. She did not say a word, and for that he was grateful. They remained under the spray until the water started to get cold.

A couple of hours before sunrise, Spike carefully got out of bed, making sure not to wake his very own sleeping beauty. He made a short stop by Lisa’s room, retrieving the cursed doll, before climbing to the attic. He opened an old traveling chest, ready to tuck the porcelain lady in, but instead he sat on the floor and started talking to Miss Edith.

“Why didn’t you tell her ? You always were big on warnings, weren’t you ? So you should have told her it was a bad idea to come here. She should have stayed wherever she was. Safe and away. I am not her William any more. I haven’t been hers in a long time. What did she think would happen ? She had visions her whole bloody life, she should have seen that one coming.”

Water was falling on the doll’s face. Was there a leak on the roof ? And was it raining ? It didn’t sound like it was raining. So where was the water coming from ?

“Spike ?”

The Slayer was approaching; even without looking at her, he knew it. He could hear her soft steps, hear her heartbeat, her breathing, but mainly he could feel her, in all his being. Just like he had been able to feel his other princess, and to track her down. She had been waiting for him, had expected him. What she had not been expecting was death.

“Are you ok, Spike ?”

She sat next to him, her small hand taking his, fingers weaving together.

“What do you think ? How would you feel if Angelus knocked on the door and you had to stake him ?”

Why did his voice sound so harsh ? This was his love, his Slayer. He shouldn’t talk to her like that. He never talked to her like that. Bickering, yes. Playful fights, yes. Harshness, never.

“I never loved Angelus,” she replied softly.

“No, but you still love Angel.”

She did not reply. He knew she loved his Sire and always would, though in a different way than she loved him. He had accepted it, and never thought about it. He had no idea why he had felt the need to say that now. She loved him, she was his, and she had proven it many times, in many ways.

“I’m sorry, luv. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

She rested her cheek on his shoulder, speaking quietly. “That’s ok. You are the one hurting right now.”

Hesitantly, her voice barely above a whisper, she asked : “You still loved her ?”

He started shaking his head in denial, but realized he was lying to himself and to her. Why would he be feeling so bad if he didn’t love her a little ? Why would he be talking to a doll in the middle of the night ?

“Remember what I told you once ? ‘Told you I would love you forever. That’s the only way I know how to love. Forever.”

Wiping the tears off the porcelain smile, he carefully placed the doll into the trunk, and closed it.

“I’m sorry you had to do that,” she offered, her voice completely sincere.

“She shouldn’t have come back, luv. Her fate was sealed at the second she approached you and the kids.”

He pushed himself to his feet, and helped Buffy up. Following her to the trap door, he gave a last glance to the chest before he turned the light off.

I’m sorry, Dru. Yes, I still loved you. But not like that anymore. You asked me to choose between you and them. Between you and her. But that choice was made long ago. You gave me unlife. She gave me my life back.