To see the Sun again

Months passed.

One day, Spike awoke alone in the bed. He could hear the shower running. He could also hear sobbing.

Quickly, he went to the ‘bathroom’, but stopped at the separation curtain.

"Buffy ? Luv ? Are you ok ? "

The sobs grew louder, but no answer came. Pulling the curtain away, he stepped closer to the shower. Through the clear plastic door, he could see her sitting on the floor, her arms around her knees. Suppressing feelings of anger and fear, he opened the shower’s door and stopped the water. Grabbing a towel, he managed to wrap it around the crying Slayer and, taking her in his arms, carried her to the bed. He held her tight, smoothing her wet hair with one hand, letting her cry herself to sleep. Even then, he didn’t let go off her.

"Want to talk about it, pet ? "

"No."

"Let it out, you will feel better after. "

She was curled against him, her hair damp, her tears gone. But whatever it was she had cried about was still bothering her.

"Come on, Slayer. I am listening. "

And listening he was. Buffy’s hearbeat filled his ears, faster than usual, more proof if needed that she was upset. Interlaced with it, an even faster beat, tiny but so strong. The first time he had noticed it, he had had to fight back tears harder than he had fought anything in his unlife. Buffy had shared his delight when he had told her.

He heard and felt her take a deep breath, as if she was readying herself.

"I am afraid. "

"Of what, luv ? "

"Afraid we’ll never get out of here. It’s been months and we’re still stuck in this cage ! "

Tears were threatening in her voice. He gently rubbed her back, trying to soothe her.

"Close your eyes. "

Unexpectedly, she did, without question.

He started talking to her, in a very quiet voice. Telling her about her life when they would get out. She wouldn’t be able to go back to slaying, of course, because of the baby. The Scoobies would take her patrols, and Spike would even help them. Sometimes. Not too often, still. They would all pamper her like a princess and make sure she had all that her heart desired. Xander would tell his annoying jokes. Anya would talk about sex all the time as usual. Willow would do spells to fight demons. She would drink hot cocoa with Joyce and they would buy enough baby clothes for a dozen children. When the baby came, it would be the most wonderful little girl ever.

"Why a girl ?" Buffy interrupted him. "It could be a wonderful little boy."

"I say it’s a girl. And I say it’s time to think about names."

Her eyes opened and a small grin appeared on her lips.

"How about William for a boy ?"

His eyes widened for a half second, then he shook his head.

"Girl, Slayer. It’s a girl. What’s your real name ? "

A pout replaced her grin, and he probed further.

"Come on, admit it, Buffy can’t be your real name. Your mom is too sensible for that."

A shiver ran through her at the thought of her mother. She must be worried sick. As probably were Giles and her friends. At the same time, a memory came to her. During their Willow-wished engagement, he had teased her about her name too, but this time around it was much sweeter.

"Elisabeth", she whispered.

A thoughtful frown barred his forehead.

"How ‘bout Lisa ?"

"I was thinking Claire, that was my grandmother’s name."

He nodded.

"Sounds good."

Hesitant, he placed a kiss on her forehead. His eyes caught hers, looking at him, and ever so slowly his lips approached her mouth. They had not kissed since the spell had been broken, and even then it had been about dominance, a real fight. Gently, he brushed against her lips, expecting her to pull away. When she didn’t, his touch became more insistent, and she replied to the pressure by opening her mouth a little. His tongue accepted her invitation, passing her lips and probing her tongue delicately. She broke the kiss suddenly.

"Ouch !"

He jerked back, wondering what he had done to cause her pain.

"She kicked me", Buffy explained.

Wonder filled his eyes as she took his hand and placed it on her belly. After a few seconds, he was smiling like a child.

"She’s practicing her Slayer moves", he said lightly.

For a few hours, they stayed there in a silence only broken when they giggled together as the baby was moving.

Buffy was angry.

If they had counted right, this was their tenth month of captivity, the ninth month of her pregnancy. Ten months without seeing anyone except the vampire. Even with their truce and ‘no bickering’ pact, he still wasn’t who she would have chosen to spend almost a year with.

A year !

The thought was depressing. A year of her life spent doing nothing at all. She had pleaded with the camera, begged for a book, a magazine, a bloody Monopoly game, anything at all to occupy her mind. But she had gotten nothing of the sort. The only things going through the trap door were her food, Spike’s blood, and pregnancy clothes when she had complained hers were too tight. It had been two ugly sack shaped dresses, into which she had slowly grown.

Having nothing else to do, they had talked. A lot…

She had learned more about the vampire’s unlife that she would have wanted to know. Or rather, more than she thought she wanted to know. With time, she had grown rather fond of his stories, which he narrated as though he wasn’t the main character. Sometimes, she forgot that Dru, Angelus and Darla were not figment of his imagination but real beings. She could close her eyes, and his descriptions were vivid enough that she could see all the details, hear all the sounds of what he was describing. Once, she had joked that he should be a writer, and to her mild surprise he had not shrugged off the idea. On the contrary, he had seemed to consider it thoughtfully.

He had told her about a large part of his vampire years, but had rarely let slip anything about his human life. She had asked him why, but had never gotten a real answer. The oldest thing he had shared had been his turning, narrating how Drusilla had chosen him, drained him, before Angelus offered him his bleeding wrist.

She had also told him some of her slaying adventures, but she didn’t have the trick to describe with enough details, and he often interrupted her with questions, which was really annoying her.

She wouldn’t have said they had become friends, but they were on their way. Strange how in her mind he had evolved from mortal enemy when he first came to Sunnydale, to unlikely ally for a brief period, to annoying but harmless demon, to almost friend now. And father of her soon to be born child.

She was touched by the way he watched her when he thought she wasn’t looking. His eyes were then filled with some kind of amazement, mixed with a tenderness she wouldn’t have thought the vampire had in him, and, always, a light she had come to recognize as love. There was also a darkness, an edge, that she had not been able to identify for a while, until she heard him promise, one night, as he thought she was asleep, to protect her and their baby until his second death.

"Is everything ready ?"

"Yes sir, the surgeon is waiting. "

"Good. Today is a fine day to be born, isn’t it ? "

A booming voice filled the room, for the first time in their whole captivity.

"Slayer, it’s time for a prenatal check-up. You can either come willingly, or we can drug you. It is your choice. "

A quick glance passed between Spike and Buffy ; he nodded ever so slightly, and she announced to the camera : "I will come willingly. "

"The vampire is to stand in front of the wall opposite to the door. Slayer, stand next to the door, hands on your head. Then we will let you out. "

Spike approached Buffy and gave her a quick hug, his mouth against her ear.

"If you see your chance, pet, run. Don’t look back. "

He had spoken very quietly. They had talked about it before, always very low to avoid being overheard. If either was taken out, they were to try to escape and only come back for the other with sufficient back up. Thanking him silently, she brushed her lips against his, receiving a startled look in reply.

A few minutes later, she had had been led by a dozen guards with tranquilizer-guns through many halls, up to a small room where she was instructed to change into an hospital gown. Only two women were guarding her by then. They walked her to the next room, which was obviously an
operation room. She saw the table, the IV, the instruments, the waiting doctor and nurse, and a shiver ran through her. They wanted to do more than a check-up. Her bad feeling got worse when she saw the oily man, a condescending smile plastered on his lips.

"Ah Miss Summers, we were only waiting for you. It is time."

The guards nudged her toward the operation table. She stumbled, as if too weak to support herself anymore, which surprised none of the presents. After all, she was a nine-months pregnant woman, and had reasons to feel faint. But before anyone could help her in her fall, she was behind the oily man, pressing a scalpel to his throat.

"Time to end the game, yes. Drop the guns. "

The guards looked at each other, hesitating.

"You heard her. Put the guns down. "

The little man was not smiling any more. Fear was clear in his voice.

"Good. I want Spike brought here. Now. Or I’m going to show you why I’m called the Slayer. "

Her voice hardly contained her anger. She hoped they would believe her ; she wasn’t quite ready to harm humans, but if they forced her to then it would get bloody.

At a nod from the man, one of the guards left the room. She motioned the doctor, nurse and remaining guard to stand by the wall, and again they looked at her hostage before obeying.

"You’re the big chief here, aren’t you ? "

He did not answer, but by the way his body shifted she could tell she was right.

"And what is your name ? "

"Travis", he hissed. "Quentin Travis."

She frowned, the name sounding familiar, but she couldn’t quite place it.

"Where are we ? "

She had to press the scalpel more insistently, drawing a little blood, before he answered.

"London. "

She almost dropped her weapon in surprise as she understood.

"Bloody hell", she murmured. "Watchers. "

Again, the shifting in his body confirmed her thinking.

The door opened before she could probe any further, and Spike walked in, followed by the guards who had escorted her before. She saw a brief anger look pass through his face, though whether at her or at the scene, she couldn’t tell.

"Medical check up, sure," he muttered, before saying louder, "I thought I told you to run, Slayer."

"Oh, shut up Spike. We said we would get out of here together, and that’s what we are doing. "

Before going to her, he checked something that had been nagging at him for months. Without warning, he took a swing at one of the guards, catching him in the abdomen. The man doubled over, as much from surprise as from pain. Spike had to fight himself not to yell or clutch his head. The chip was still there, still active. He had hoped, since he had been able to feed from Buffy in their early captivity days, that the chip had somehow been deactivated, or even removed. No such luck. All these wankers seemed human, so he was completely useless to fight their way out. Cursing silently, he moved to Buffy's side and shifted to game face. He couldn’t fight humans, but at least he could look scary. Pitiful consolation.

"Quentin", Buffy said with a growl, "if you’re a Watcher I am sure you know how fast I can get pissed off. And these people here are really annoying me right now. So we are going to leave. The three of us. I want a car. I want everybody out of our way while we’re getting out. And if I even think your people are planning a nasty trick, you will be dead before you touch the ground."

Spike stared at her, discovering a side to the Slayer that he didn’t know existed.

Would she really butcher the wanker ?

The Watchers Head didn’t talk to the guards. Instead, he looked toward a camera above the door that Buffy hadn’t noticed.

"Do as she said, he barked. Clear the way, get a car, no attempt to stop them is to be made. We cannot risk hurting the child. This is an order !"

Within seconds, the guards were retreating. Within minutes, Buffy, Spike and their hostage were out of the building and in the rainy streets of London.

Spike was driving, making sure no one was following them. Buffy questioned.

"Why ? What is this all about ? "

She was still menacing the man, and he answered, if grudgingly.

"There’s a prophecy. About a Slayer giving birth to children, fathered by a vampire. Children even more powerful than a Slayer. "

Buffy felt ready to heave.

"Playing with Slayers was not enough, so you decided to get yourself new toys, uh ? "

Having heard enough, she punched him in the jaw, knocking him unconscious. Her attention focused on Spike, who was scowling in his seat.

"What’s wrong ?" she asked.

"Bloody town is all changed," he growled.

His eyes quickly glanced at her in the rear mirror, and he muttered something unintelligible. At the next red light, he wiggled out of his jacket and handed it to her.

"Cover yourself, pet. You’re shaking."

She realized she was indeed shaking, both from the cold and the sudden drop of adrenaline.

They had made it.

They were free.

Peeking through the curtains, Spike surveyed the street. He was certain no one had followed them from the train station. That’s where they had abandoned the car, as if they had left by train. The bloody wanker had been thrown out somewhere on the way, still unconscious. Spike would have killed him, but the chip prevented him from doing so. Buffy, despite her earlier threats, would not kill a human, even a disgusting piece of trash such as the Watchers Council leader.

Three taxis later, Spike had been sure they were not followed, and they had walked to a home in the dead center of London. Not that far from the Watchers’ lair, but then they wouldn’t be looking so close. Or so Spike hoped.

He hadn’t been in that house for a good 30 years. He had remembered where the key was hidden - ten bricks on the left of the door, two bricks above. A lot of dust covered the floor, but sheets protected the furniture. Buffy had wandered around the old victorian house for a few minutes, strangely quiet. Then on the first floor she had discovered a guest bedroom, uncovered the bed and just laid herself down. Spike had found her asleep a few minutes later, and had had to search a moment to remember where the covers were stocked. A bit dusty, but warm. He had covered his Slayer, and had had the pleasure to see her smile in her sleep.

His eyes still on the quiet and deserted street, he was thinking hard. Ignoring whether she was or not close to the delivery, he didn’t dare make her travel. Also, he knew no locating spell would track them here ; this was a safe house, out of reach of magic. Years before, he had obeyed when his Dark Princess had pleaded for a protection spell to be cast on the house. She had never been able to explain exactly why she wanted it, but now he was thankful to her antics. Hopefully, the Watchers wouldn’t be looking in London ; instead they would start searching all cities toward which a train had departed tonight. In England, as well as on the continent, thanks to the Chunnel. In the present circumstances, the safest was to stay hidden. The house was their new cage, but at least no one was spying on them.

A shout pulled him out of his reflections.

"Spike ! "

Instantly, he shifted to game face and ran upstairs to the bedroom. There, he didn’t find a retrieving party as he had feared. Instead, he saw Buffy, her face contorted by pain. Shock brought back his human mask.

"I think the baby is coming, Spike ! "

Again, Buffy was screaming, her hands gripping the bed.

Thinking hard and fast, Spike gathered a few things around the house before returning to her side. He used scissors to rip apart the hospital blouse Buffy had been wearing since their escape. As she was breathing heavily between two contractions, he gently dabbed at her perspiration-covered face
with a wet cloth, and talked to her in a low voice.

"Do you want me to call an ambulance and have you taken to the hospital ? "

Her reply was immediate.

"Too dangerous. Have to stay hidden. "

He nodded, happy she thought like him. "Then you’ll have to do this alone, luv."

"Not alone. With you. "

"There’s not much I can do to help. "

"You’re here. That’s… "

Another contraction made her cry out. He held her hand tight, unsure of what else he could do, afraid that something would go wrong, afraid to lose her. He talked to her calmly, quietly, hoping that his voice was not carrying his panic.

"Listen luv. Women have been doing this for thousands of years. You don’t know what to do, but your body does. Just let it… "

"Shut up Spike !' she growled. "If you want to help just kill me nooooowwwwww ! "

Her voice rose to a cry, as her fingernails dug into his skin. For what seemed like hours to her, she clung to his hand desperately, taking comfort in the way he wiped the sweat from her face every so often. When he tried to move farther down her body, she wouldn’t let go of his hand.

"Slayer, I’m going to need both my hands now. And you will need to start pushing. OK ? "

She nodded and released him. She was panting, waiting for the next contraction. When it came, she pushed as Spike has said, and heard him exclaim : "The head is out ! You’re doing a great, luv. Just a little... "

She knew he was still talking, but the meaning of his words was lost to her, as nothing existed but her pain and her belly. Oddly, though, she was comforted that he was there, and talking her through this. At the same time, some part of her mind was screaming that this was his entire fault and he deserved to be staked as soon as it was over. All men on this Earth deserved to be staked, if only for the principle.

Suddenly, a cry pierced her mind. Her eyes shot open as Spike deposited the mewling baby on her chest. Her arms instinctively closed around the infant.

"‘Told you it was a girl. "

Though he tried to sound casual, Buffy could hear pride in his voice. And when she looked at him, his eyes were shining with tears.

Spike left Buffy and their daughter to give a phone call. He had not talked to the lawyer in a few years. The man was grumpy from being awoken a couple of hours before sunrise, but, with the proper key words, he became quite agreeable. His instructions given, Spike got busy in the master bedroom. In a few minutes, the dust was gone and the bed properly made. Just as he was finishing, someone knocked on the door. He went to open, and led the doctor to Buffy. Again, someone at the door. This time it was the lawyer, still wearing his sleep clothes under his coat. He enquired whether the doctor had arrived yet, and Spike answered with a short nod. He then opened the briefcase the man gave him, but did not bother counting the money. He retrieved a few straps, and gave three to the shocked man with more instructions before sending him out. He then walked to the bedroom, casually placing the briefcase in a closet on the way. The doctor had taken care of the baby.

"Here", he said sternly to the vampire. "Take her and wash her a little. With a washcloth, mind. No bath yet. "

Spike nodded but kept quiet. Tenderly holding the baby against his shoulder, he went into the bathroom and cleaned her up. As he was doing so, he was trying to remember when had been the last time he had held a baby. He thought it had been his sister ; he had been 12 at the time. It seemed like another life, and indeed it was.

Realizing his shirt was stained with birth fluids, he shed it and left it on the bathroom floor. In the master bedroom, he retrieved from a cedar chest a few clothes, untouched by time. He bundled the infant into a cotton shirt, trying not to wake her, marveling at the fact that she had fallen asleep in his arms, caressing her dark blonde hair. Then he slipped on one of his own black shirts - his clothes had not changed much in the past hundred years, and it looked just like the one he had just discarded. He briefly hesitated, but finally grabbed a long, red sleep gown. It was either that or one of his own shirts. He doubted the Slayer would appreciate wearing Drusilla’s things, but this was the best he had to offer right now. He hoped she wouldn’t be too curious about it.

"… Just fine", was saying the doctor as he came back to the guest bedroom. "Nothing to worry about,though why you didn’t call an ambulance I cannot fathom. "

Still holding the sleeping baby, Spike followed the doctor back to the front door. He gave him a full strap of bills, and said in a very quiet but menacing voice: "If anyone asks, nothing happened tonight. You were not here, you have seen nothing. If you so much mention in your sleep that a baby was born, I will hunt you down and kill you."

As he was saying that, he slipped into game face and growled. The doctor jumped, then swallowed with difficulty and nodded.

"I... I understand. I have never been here. "

The human face was back, with a smile. "Glad we understand each other, doc. And thank you. "

Still shaking, the doctor left the house, and Spike double-checked that the door was locked before returning to Buffy. She was still on the bed, naked, dirty, exhausted and beautiful.

"Hey luv", he whispered.

She smiled and opened her arms when he gave her the shirt-bundled baby.

Leaving the gown by the bed, he went in the bathroom and came back with a couple of warm washcloths. Gently, he wiped off the drying fluids off her, then helped her slip the night gown on. He wished to tell her a thousand things, but his throat felt tight and no word could have expressed the way he felt.

He lifted her in his arms, the baby still sleeping in hers, and carried them to the master bedroom that he had cleaned earlier. He laid Buffy down and pressed his lips to her hair. The smile she gave him melted his unbeating heart.

"Cor, Slayer, I love you so much. "

The smile became hesitant, and he sighed. "Rest now. Just call me if you need anything. "

He started walking away, but she caught his hand.

"Spike… "

"Yes luv ? "

"Stay. "

Without another word, he climbed in the bed next to her, and wrapped an arm around her. His other hand covered hers, resting on their daughter’s back.

"Isn’t she the most beautiful baby ever, pet ? "

"Yes, our Lisa is. "

A large grin lightened his face as he watched the two women who now held his heart sleep. Unconsciously, he started to purr.

Buffy awoke a few hours later, as Lisa was mewling against her chest. Instinctively, she unlaced the front of the gown and gave the baby the food she was asking for. It seemed so weird to her that she knew what to do. She remembered something Spike had said the previous day, about women doing
that kind of things for thousands of years, and could not repress a smile.

She could hear Spike outside the room, talking to someone she thought, then walking around. After a few minutes, he came in the room and froze as he took in the scene in front of him.

"Jealous much ?" she said, teasingly.

His eyes grew wide and he shook himself off. "Who, me ? Jealous of what ? ‘Got all a vampire can desire. Even more. "

He smiled at Buffy, a huge smile, completely innocent, that looked nothing like the old Spike she had fought for years. Not for the first time, she wondered whether he had truly changed or if this was just a side of him she hadn’t had the opportunity to see before.

She noticed the store bags he was carrying.

"Did you go shopping while I was sleeping ?" she asked, worry plain on her face.

"In broad daylight ? And leaving you two alone here ? "

He actually sounded hurt by the thought.

"My lawyer’s wife. ‘Paid her to go shopping for you and the lil’ bit."

Spike has a lawyer. Wow. Spike has money. A lot of money, by the look of these bags. Double wow.

"Bloody woman called three times to know what she had to buy. What color, what size, what style. Wanted to talk to you. Like I was really going to wake you for that."

He was grumbling by now, as he pulled the clothes out of the bags and placed them on the bed. Absently stroking her daughter’s cheek, Buffy appraised the lot with a critical eye. A few pairs of underwear, a couple of nighties, five shirts, as many pants, a few pairs of socks, and a pair of boots. Surprisingly, all of it, as much as she could tell by simply looking at it, looked to be her size. Unsurprisingly, most of it was black and the same kind of clothing Spike usually wore, leather or silk. She was about to give him a piece of her mind when he started to pull out baby clothes. Tiny, colorful, adorable baby clothes. Her throat tightened and she could do nothing but smile.

A sudden pain in her breast made her cry out loud. She looked down at Lisa, and a moan escaped her lips.

"Oh my God… "

The baby was still suckling on her breast. But the beautiful angel face had changed into a lumpy, vampiric mask. A trickle of blood was staining the corner of her lips. Stunned, she let her daughter feed off her for a moment, until the game face disappeared and the infant fell asleep. Lisa then started purring.

She realized that Spike was kneeling on the floor by her side, an unreadable look on his face. Neither of them spoke.

Leaving her sleeping daughter in the middle of the bed, Buffy walked around the house. She had put on some of her new clothes, finding them comfortable if not exactly what she would have chosen herself. And as she had thought before, everything was her size. She wondered whether it was luck. She didn’t dare ask the vampire whether he knew her measurements.

The first thing she noticed when she got out of the bedroom was that all the dust was gone. Then she realized that clothes were not the only things Spike had had someone buy for them.

An assortment of baby items was spread around the rooms, from a tiny hairbrush in the bathroom to a beautiful white wooden cradle in the guestroom. Food filled the fridge, and Spike was actually cooking something for her. And, everywhere, roses. Dozens of blood red roses.

Spike was watching her with an eye as he cooked, noticing how she would breathe the scent of the roses when walking near them. How she smiled every time her eyes fell on something for the baby. How gorgeous she looked dressed in leather and silk.

She joined him in the kitchen corner, and sat at the table. He could tell something was bothering her by the way she was nibbling the inside of her cheek.

"What’s wrong, luv ? "

Her eyes avoided his as he put a plate of food in front of her. Pasta and chicken. He hadn’t cooked in a long while, he was hoping it was edible.

"Did she scare you ?" he asked gently. "When she bit you ? "

Her head shook instantly. She was pushing the food around her plate with her fork.

"No, she didn’t scare me. Surprised me rather. "

She took a bit of food, and Spike was somehow relieved when she didn’t complain about the taste.

"I didn’t expect the vampire thing", she continued.

"Me neither" he lied.

He had hoped, very much, that Lisa would be completely human. But he had not believed it. The Watchers’ Council wouldn’t have gone through all this to get a human child.

"Do you think she has more vampire traits ?" she asked between two bites.

She actually seemed to enjoy the food he had prepared. He hid a smile.

"You’re thinking about the sun ? "

"Among other things, yes. "

Puzzled, he wondered what Buffy meant. Holy water… not that dangerous because not that common. Crosses... oh well, not really threatening, just annoying. Stake… a stake would hurt her beating heart just as well as any human’s.

Then it struck him.

"You wonder whether she has a soul. "

He could tell by the way she refused to look at him that he had guessed right. And for some strange reason, it hurt him.

"If you ask me, souls are so overrated" he said in his best cocky voice.

She didn’t answer. His voice hardened when he asked : "Do you need your daughter to have a soul to love her ? Or is she just like me ? A soulless thing ? "

At last, she looked at him. And slapped him.

"How dare you call her… "

"I did not. I asked whether that’s what you think. "

She opened her mouth, but for a few instants no sound came out. Then finally : "She is not a thing. She is my daughter and I love her. Soul or no soul. "

"Good to hear" he growled.

Leaving Buffy at the table, he rushed upstairs to the bedroom. His vampire ears had heard faint noises. Lisa was waking up. He picked her up and held her to his chest, listening to her little heart, rubbing her back gently. His anger melted like snow in the sun. He sat on the bed, cradling the baby in his arms, the blue of his eyes locked to the blue of hers. As she had done earlier, she purred ; and this time he purred with her.

Buffy forced herself to finish her lunch, then washed the dishes. She was replaying their discussion in their mind. He could read her so well, and yet he was a mystery to her. Sometimes, rarely, he showed his feelings on his face and she could read them. But most of the time, she couldn’t see his anger or hurt until it was too late.

Unsure whether to apologize - after all, she hadn’t said anything about his lack of soul, had she ? - , she avoided going to the bedroom. Instead, she emptied a few bags he had left untouched on the couch. One of them contained diapers. A lot of diapers. She moved them to the guest bedroom, which he seemed to have dubbed as a nursery. Back to the couch, she found in a large bag a luxurious white bathrobe, embroidered on the breast with a red rose, and a matching dark blue one, with a white W instead of the flower. She frowned briefly at that, before turning her thoughts to the last package. A breast pump. A few hours ago, she wouldn’t have even thought about using it. But since then, she’d been bitten. By her own vampiric daughter. For a while, she thought about Spike’s weakness when he had been denied blood. And wondered whether Lisa would suffer if she didn’t get any. She had seemed to like the milk. Would it be enough? She doubted Spike would agree with her on that point, but it was her decision to make.

Someone knocked on the door, and, without thinking about the risks, Buffy opened. A middle-aged woman gave her a big smile.

"Oh, you must be the new mother ! Congratulations ! "

She entered the house, and deposited a half dozen shopping bags on the couch before seating on it with an exaggerated sigh.

"I can’t remember the last time I had such a shopping spree ! This is so tiring but so much fun ! "

She pointed at the bags and continued chatting, oblivious to the fact that Buffy was staring at her in silence.

"I found a few more outfits for the baby. They are just adorable ! Oh, may I see her ? I’m just dying to see her ! I keep trying to picture her in the baby clothes I buy ! May I please ? "

"Uh, I think… maybe another time, she is sleeping now. "

Another exaggerated sigh.

"Oh, that is really a pity. At least you are up now ! I see the clothes I got for you are fitting nicely. I was so surprised that your husband knew what size you wear. Men usually have no clue about this kind of things ! "

She laughed richly, and Buffy forced herself to laugh a little too.

Husband ?

"Is there anything else you needed ? William told me to just spend until the money he gave me ran out, but as much as I hate to admit it, I don’t know what else to buy ! "

Again, she laughed.

William ?

Buffy tried to shake herself and think fast. "Yes, I think I would need a few things. Let’s see… "

After the exuberant woman left, Buffy realized a few things. She hadn’t told her what her name was, and hadn’t asked about Buffy’s. She hadn’t asked either why she was doing shopping for the ‘couple’. And she had called Spike ‘William’.

"Did the bloody woman go away yet ? "

Spike was entering the living room, Lisa cradled in his arms.

"Yes she is gone for now, my dear husband. "

His face remained neuter.

"I didn’t tell her we were married, Slayer. "

"As you say, ‘William’. "

A brief flash of surprise showed on his face, and a small smirk made his lips twitch.

He sat next to her on the couch, and she noticed he had clothed the baby with one of the outfits she had seen before. It was light blue, covered with embroidered flowers. So very unlike Spike.

They were both looking at Lisa in silence. After a while, Buffy said softly : "I am sorry. "

"About what, luv ? "

He sounded genuinely surprised at her apology.

"About the soul thing. "

She felt his body tense next to her, and she wondered if she had hurt him again. And how. And why she cared so much about not hurting him.

"Spike… I realized something. You have no soul… "

"Only notice that now ? " he said in mock surprise.

"Let me finish please. "

He nodded.

"You have no soul but for some time you have been acting differently. I don’t know when it started but I can see it plainly now with the way you act with Lisa. And with me. And what I realized is that you’re just acting like a father. Like a human. Better than many humans, even. So the soul thing is really not important. "

There. She had said it. She expected sarcasm for a reply. She got a muffled ‘thank you, Buffy’.

Later that day, the shopping lady returned, and this time Spike had to endure her chatter while Buffy was in another room with their daughter. He eventually managed to get rid of the annoying woman, and, curious, went through the new packages.

More clothes for Buffy, jeans and tshirts. Damn, she had looked so good in the ones he had asked for her.

A camera and a few rolls of film. He cursed himself for not having thought of that.

The last couple of bags made him roll his eyes.

"Slayer !" he shouted.

She came in the room, looking annoyed. "Try yelling even louder, who cares if your daughter is asleep. "

He winced and again cursed himself mentally. Then he remembered why he had shouted.

"What are these… things ?" he growled, pointing at the two bags he had been examining.

She actually clapped her hands and smiled brightly.

"Oh, the Santa Claus woman came back ! Cool ! "

She grabbed one of the offending bags and took out a light blue cotton shirt. She held it up in front of Spike.

"Yes, you will look so nice with that. "

He growled, and she laughed.

"Hey, I did wear the things you asked her to get for me. So you’ll have to indulge me and wear some color. Some color other than red or black, I mean. "

Again, she smiled, and the growl died in his throat. He thought that if at that moment she had asked him to wear pink slippers and a tutu, he might have. He would have agreed to anything at all she asked. Anything just as long as she kept smiling.

She seemed to notice a change in him, and asked, almost worried : "Is something wrong, Spike ?"

He shook his head. She knew already what he felt for her. He had told her several times. But never had she replied in a satisfactory manner. He didn’t want to ruin things now. It wasn’t a good time to get sentimental and poofy.

"Nothing wrong, luv. "

He let himself fall into an armchair and tried to focus. They had important things to talk about.

"I think we should stay hidden here for some time. The bloody Watchers probably expect us to run back to Sunnyhell, and they’re bound to be waiting for us. "

She sat down too, her eyes very serious, the smile forgotten.

"We can live here without going out at all. We can have everything we need delivered. The house is safe, they can’t use magic to locate us or harm us. "

He could see that she was thinking about his words.

"How long ?" she asked finally.

"I don’t know" he said truthfully.

She didn’t like it, didn’t like the idea at all, he could tell that much.

"Tell me what you’re thinking, Slayer ? "

"I’m thinking we are still in a cage" she said very low. "But I also think that’s the best place we can be right now. "