To see the Sun again

Night was growing old on Sunnydale when the vampire knocked at the Summers’ door. Joyce opened, holding Lisa in her arms, and Spike’s face just split in a huge grin when he saw his daughter.

Hell, she’s grown so much ! And her hair is all curly now !

"‘Evening, Joyce. "

"Spike… What a surprise. "

Captivated as he was by the sight of Lisa, he still noticed that Joyce took a step back when she first saw him. He raised his arm tentatively, and his hand was stopped by the invisible barrier.

"I see I’m not quite welcome here, am I ?" he said with a smirk.

Her face flushed a little.

"Buffy made me promise not to invite you in. She said you could be dangerous."

"Yeah, I guess she would think that. "

The smile dropped from his face. He had not expected to be received with open arms, but it still hurt.

"Is she in ? "

"No, she’s out patrolling. "

He shook his head. "Couldn’t they find someone else to do that ? She’s a mom now. Patrols are too dangerous ! "

"That’s what we’ve all been telling her ! Especially now ! But you know how stubborn she can be ! "

"Yeah, I know. "

They shared a knowing smile. His eyes were drawn back to the baby, who was now looking at him, her arms stretched toward him.

"She’s even more beautiful than I remembered… "

Joyce was observing him, trying to see this dangerous thing her daughter said he was now. She could only see a man, a father aching to hold his daughter after long months of separation. Hoping she wasn’t making the biggest mistake of her life, she walked past the threshold, and handed Lisa to him. His face went from surprise to gratitude.

"Thank you," he murmured.

They sat together on the front steps, and she watched him, watching his daughter.

"Shouldn’t she be in bed by now ?" he worried.

"She should be if she wasn’t a night owl. It takes forever to make her fall asleep at night. And if we let her, she sleeps all day long."

Spike’s chuckle startled Joyce.

"Just like her father," he said simply.

Holding Lisa against his chest, he closed his eyes and sang for her under his non-existent breath. After a couple of minutes, she was purring, asleep.

"I’ve never heard her doing that," Joyce said, mesmerized by the way the child seemed to have recognized the vampire.

"At least I know someone missed me," he said a bit bitterly.

Joyce shook her head. Buffy had asked her many times not to try and find out what had happened. She just did not want to talk about it. But she knew her daughter, Buffy was hurting. Too often, she heard her cry herself to sleep at night.

"Do you love her ? "

Immediately, he understood she wasn’t talking about the infant. He briefly hesitated, wondering what exactly the woman knew. He opted for honest truth. Joyce had always been kind to him. Except the time she had hit him with an axe, but then she had cause.

"I could say I love her more than my life," he said softly, "but it wouldn’t mean much coming from a vampire, would it ?"

"You need to tell her. "

He cocked his head. "‘Don’t know. She ran away from me. "

He looked in the woman’s eyes, and whatever he saw in them decided him to tell more.

"She lived with me, laughed with me, slept with me, but she never said she loved me. And then she left. She took my daughter and she left ! "

He realized that anger was piercing in his voice, and he saw he was frightening her. He gently put his hand on her arm.

"Joyce, you have to know I would never harm her or anyone she cares about."

She looked at him gravely, and said: "I know. I’m sure you wouldn’t."

It was her turn to wonder how much she should tell him.

"If you don’t plan to tell her… Why did you come back ?" she asked carefully.

"I just needed to see her. See them. Fill the void in the middle of my chest."

God, I have to do something. They are both hurting for nothing ! Stubborn, both of them. But if I tell him she was waiting for him he won’t trust me. He has to see it by himself. And she has to see how much he cares. These children are going to kill me.

Not once did she realize that the peroxided child in front of her could have been her great great great grand father.

"Would you like something to drink ?" she said suddenly. "We have blood in the fridge, I can warm some for you."

Bait.

"No thanks. I guess I just should be going now."

He gave her the sleeping child after brushing his lips on her forehead, and started walking away. He stopped suddenly and turned back to her, a deep frown on his face.

Caught.

"Does Lisa drink blood again, Joyce ? She had stopped before… Buffy left."

"No, it’s not for her. We’ve had a guest in the house for a couple of weeks. "

Let him do the math. He’s clever, it won’t take long.

She read on his face the exact second when he understood who was the guest she was talking about.

"Bloody hell, I’m going to dust him !"

Before she could say a word, he was gone.

Don’t kill him, she thought, he’s not worth the trouble she would give you for it. But hopefully you will hurt him enough to show her how much you care, and he will hurt you enough to let her see how much she cares, if she doesn’t know it yet.

Cursing Sunnyhell and its seemingly hundreds of cemeteries, Spike approached its fifth one. Immediately, he saw familiar forms, their backs to him. A tall, broad shouldered man, and a petite, seemingly so fragile woman. They were walking in silence, only a few inches from each other. Listening only to his rage, he rushed toward them.

Angel’s acute hearing made him turn first, but he already knew who was running to them. He could feel his Childe. What he didn’t expect was the hatred in his eyes, and the punch to his stomach.

"They are mine !" Spike shouted.

They had fought before, and always Angel had dominated. But something was different, and Angel began thinking he might not survive that fight. For a few minutes, they exchanged blows, feinted, counter-attacked.

Neither of them was hearing Buffy, who was pleading for them to stop. However, when she stepped between them, a stake in each hand, they both froze.

"It ends now or I swear I will dust both of you!" she yelled.

Turning to Spike, she winced at the bloody mess that was his face. And could not find a word to say.

He watched her intently, noticing all at once that she had cut her hair, finally gained some weight, wore his duster, still smelled of vanilla.

"Hello, luv. I see you’re well. And back to the big poof. Didn’t take long."

Shock and incomprehension mixed on her face.

"Spike ? what in hell are you talking about ?"

Angel was right beside her now, and he too seemed puzzled.

"He lives with you, doesn’t he ? Are you already teaching the nibblet to call him dad ?"

Anger filled him, and when he looked at Angel his fists closed in painful knots.

"I told you they were mine. You can’t have them. Neither of them ! I let you take Dru but I won’t make the same mistake twice. I will kill you or die trying !"

Buffy had found her voice back. This was ridiculous. She often dreamed Spike would come back. Sometimes, the dreams turned to nightmares. But this was plain ridiculous.

"He’s living in the basement because the mansion was destroyed two weeks ago, you bloody idiot !"

"Sure, but why didn’t he go back to LA ? Why did he stay here ? To steal you from me that’s why !"

"And why weren’t you here, if I’m yours ?"

They were both shouting, oblivious to Angel who was trying to calm them down.

"You ARE mine. And you are the one who bloody left, if I may remind you !"

"You didn’t come after me !"

"Was I supposed to ? How the hell was I supposed to know what you wanted?"

"Didn’t you know I loved you, damn you ?"

"How would I have known you never said it !"

"I was ready to, and then you said you were having the chip taken out !"

"It is out now, and I’m still me, and if you loved me before you should still love me now. ‘Cause I sure still bloody love you !"

She stared at him, and he wondered whether she had been silenced by the revelation that he was chip-free or that he still loved her.

"There is no way I’m letting you and lil’ bit with Peaches. So stake me now, Slayer, or…"

"Spike, close your fucking mouth and LISTEN !"

Flinching by pure reflex, Spike did as he was told. This was a voice he had learned to recognize a long time ago, a voice Angelus used when he was really pissed off, ready to kill someone on the spot. A voice a Childe, even the favorite Childe, knew better than to challenge.

So Spike listened, but Angel did not talk. Neither did Buffy. All he could hear was two heartbeats and the wind blowing in the trees.

Two heartbeats ?

His eyes widened as he looked at Buffy carefully. She was holding the duster closed around her, but now he could see, or rather guess, what was hiding under the leather. He pivoted toward Angel, and shot his fist through his Sire’s face. Caught by surprise, the older Vampire fell to the ground.

"That’s for letting her patrol !" Spike growled.

A bit stunned, Angel only nodded, as if accepting the reproach. Spike turned back to Buffy.

"How could you ?" he asked, his voice not as hard as he wished it to be. "How could you leave me? How could you keep patrolling ?"

He saw she was biting her lips, saw the tears forming in her eyes. Cursing himself, he stepped closer and held her tight, repressing a sigh of relief when she hugged him back. For a few minutes, they clung to each other in silence.

"You scared me," she whispered finally. "You said you wanted the chip out, and all I could think was I would have to kill you. I would have to kill the man I loved. Again. And I knew this time I couldn’t do it, not if my own life depended on it. Not if the world depended on it."

"Oh Buffy, I am not him. I don’t have a soul to lose."

He heard Angel moving, heard his steps going away.

"The chip was not a soul," he continued. "It just stopped me from hurting people. And I can do that by myself if I want."

She pulled away from him very slightly, enough to be able to see his face.

"Do you want to ?"

He gave her his best smirk. "I’ve been chip free for 3 months, luv. ‘Haven’t killed a human yet. Don’t plan to. Don’t want to."

She buried her face against his chest, breathing his scent, happy that he was there and still the same man she had fallen in love with.

"I didn’t know when I left that I was pregnant."

Her whisper released a knot in his neck he hadn’t been aware of. He let go his embrace and pulled her to a bench nearby.

"I’m sorry for shouting at you. Seeing you with the poof just made me crazy."

In his mind, he thanked Joyce, realizing she had pushed him very cleverly.

"And I’m sorry I left like I did. My only excuse is that you really, really scared me. I wasn’t thinking straight."

He laughed lightly. "Yeah, not thinking straight, but you still took my duster. Can I have it back now ?"

She hugged the leather to herself.

"On my dead body."

He bit his bottom lip at that, not wanting to remind her he had gotten the thing off a dead Slayer. She had not liked that story much when he had told her.

His arm was wrapped against her shoulder, and her cheek was resting on his. They kept quiet for a few moments, savoring each other’s presence.

"Oh by the way, luv, did you, hmm, find anything ? In the pocket of the duster ?"

She turned her face to his, her traits clear under the light of the almost full moon. She looked hesitant. She pulled a chain from under her clothing, and removed it from her neck. She pressed in his hand the ring that had been dangling on the chain.

She had first found it at the airport, on her way to the flight that would take her back to the US. She had been emptying her pockets to go through the metal detector, and had found a small velvet-covered jewelry box. She hadn’t been able to open it until she arrived in Sunnydale. When seeing the elegant ring, with both their names engraved on the inside, she had cried even harder. She hadn’t worn it, not knowing if he still wanted her to have it. But she had been carrying the thing around her neck, a constant reminder that he had loved her that much. Maybe, still did, if she hadn’t broken his heart by running away, and if the removal of the chip had not returned him to his Big Bad self.

"You know," he said very low, playing with the ring, "I am still a vampire. Not killing humans doesn’t change who I am."

"I know. But it’s what you are, not who you are."

He seemed to consider her words for an instant.

"Do you think you could spend your life with a vampire ?"

"Yes. If this vampire was you."

Another silence.

"I’m not asking you to marry me now. I’m not quite ready for that yet…"

"Good, I’m not either. "

Long pause.

"Are you mine ? "

"We are yours. All three of us. "

He moved off the bench and put one knee to the ground, watching the beaming smile on her face. Taking her left hand, he slid the ring on her delicate finger, the diamond catching a ray of moonlight.

A smile dancing on her lips, Lisa was looking through a box of old pictures. Her mother hated these pictures, and everyone knew it. That’s why they were hidden in a box and not proudly displayed in albums. They covered about 30 years, and showed all too well an ever aging Buffy, and an ever young-looking Spike. It had always been a reminder that there was no ‘growing old together’ for them. But being together had been enough.

The pictures Lisa cherished most were the ones of their wedding. She remembered bits and pieces of it. She had been 9 when they finally tied the knot. William was 8, and Joyce Anne 3. It had taken place in a beautiful summer evening, under an almost full moon that was giving a fairy-tale light to everything on that hill above Sunnyhell. Surrounded by their friends and children, Buffy and Spike had exchanged simple vows. Lisa remembered her father’s words above anything else. He had promised to love his wife until the day of his death. Not hers, his. Then they had all picnicked under the stars. The pictures showed a glowing Buffy in an elegant red evening gown, smiling to her brand new husband. Between them, Lisa and Joyce Anne looked like princesses in adorable matching white lace gowns, and William was gorgeous in a tuxedo identical to their father’s. Other shots pictured Xander, Anya and their son, Willow, the maid of honor, and Tara, Giles, who had played the roles of father of the bride and best man of the groom. The only absent was Joyce, who had died four years before. Even Peaches had been there, though he couldn’t be said to be smiling much.

Lisa chuckled lightly. So many times, her mother had rolled her eyes at her for calling Angel by one of Spike’s nicknames. She couldn’t help it, she just enjoyed too much the grins of pure delight Spike gave her for the exact same reason.

She remembered when he had finally asked Buffy to marry him. He had been moody for weeks, talking to himself constantly. Then, he had stopped arguing with himself, and started arguing with Buffy. Lisa didn’t understand much at the time, she just could see that Daddy wanted something really bad and Mom didn’t agree. And then, one morning, they just stopped arguing, and told their older children that they were going to get married. Years later, she had asked them both what had finally changed Buffy’s mind. Buffy had blushed, Spike had grinned, and Lisa had known better than to try and probe any further.

Other pictures showed Spike’s domestic side. Cooking pancakes for breakfast, decorating a birthday cake, reading a fairy tale to sleepy children. Buffy sometimes joked she took these pictures because she couldn’t believe the vampire was actually doing these things. Lisa could recall more than one time when Buffy had been the fourth listener, captivated by the way Spike conjured the characters to life just as much as the children were. It hadn't taken much to convince him to put his stories on paper for others to enjoy.

Another dozen of pictures showed Buffy in her preschool classroom. Taken so that Spike could see what her workplace was like. She had returned to college after William’s birth, and obtained her degree in Education Science. Spike pushed her on that way, later saying that he knew she would be a great teacher.

A couple of stolen shots. Spike clad all in black, from his pant, to his tshirt, to a leather duster, a gift from his wife, almost identical to the one she had ‘stolen’ from him. Buffy in similar clothing. They only dressed so for patrols. Lisa remembered the night she had taken these pictures as they were leaving the house, trusting their children’s lives to an aging Watcher. She had been 11 or 12, and the apocalypse was close, a usual occurrence on the Hellmouth. But that night, something had happened, and the Hellmouth had been closed forever. After that, their nightly patrols became weekly ones, and some time later completely stopped. The Hellmouth being closed, demons and vampires were not coming to Sunnyhell any more, and the ones who were already there knew better than to hurt humans and catch the attention of the Slayer and her vampire mate.

More pictures were showing the three children growing up. On none of them was there a hint at their demon linage. They had had a normal childhood. Or rather, as normal as a childhood could be when your Dad wouldn’t get out of the house before night and your Mom threatened to stake him at least
twice a week. Early on, all three children had learned to control their demon side and refuse the game mask. It had been made clear, both by Buffy and Spike, that drinking blood was not a part of their life. They had also learned to hide their abnormal force and to avoid hurting their friends when playing. At some point, Spike had started to teach them how to fight. She knew there had been arguments about that too between her parents. Buffy often watched them, training and playing at the same time in the basement converted into gym, but never said anything or participated. Lisa had overheard parts of an argument ; Spike was worried about the Council finding a way to break their word and come after their children. That’s why he wanted them to be able to fight. Buffy had been fighting for the best part of her life, and did not want her children to follow her path. Spike won, not because he was right, but because the prophecy that had started it all left no choice to any of them. They were Slayers. Not like Buffy was, but still Slayers.

Early training had come in handy years later, when Lisa and then William went to college in other states. Both had discovered that vampires and demons were not a Sunnydale exception, and both had decided on their own to fight the good fight. Joyce Anne had followed another path, learning magic by herself until Spike caught her, grounded her for a year, and asked Willow to mentor her.

Some day, Buffy had stopped allowing anyone to take a picture of her. She had been a bit more than 40 by then, and already Spike had started to look more like her son than her husband.

As Lisa was putting the pictures back in their box, Spike sat next to her on the couch.

"Hey luv."

"Hey dad. "

She observed him in silence. He looked so tired… She was surprised to see him pull a pack of cigarettes from his duster’s pocket. More surprised even when she realized it was his duster, the one Buffy had never returned. She could smell her mother’s scent on the thing. She could also smell another scent, unusual on him… Alcohol. She thought his hand was shaking a bit when he lighted the smoke. He inhaled deeply, his eyes closing.

"I hadn’t lit one since before you were born, pet. ‘Knew that ?"

"No dad. I never suspected you smoked. "

Or drank.

A smile crept on his face.

"Your mother would stake me for it."

Abruptly, the smile was gone. He looked around, searching for something, anything, to extinguish the cigarette with. Eventually, he put it in an empty cup of tea that had been forgotten on the side table.

"Yeah, she would have staked me for this," he whispered, staring at nothing.

She took his hand and held it tight. He squeezed back.

"Did you choose a picture, luv ?"

"Yes. "

She showed him and he nodded, his eyes shining with unshed tears. On this candid shot of the wedding, Buffy was smiling brightly. It would be perfect for the service.

Lisa took hold of her courage. She had wanted to ask that question for years. It was now or never.

"Dad… why didn’t you ever turn her ? "

A hint of surprise flashed through his face, replaced by pain.

"I should have, shouldn’t I ? "

"No ! No, Dad. I’m just wondering… "

She stopped, unable to finish. Unable to say that if she ever loved a man half as much as she knew Spike had loved her mother, she would do anything to keep him by her side. Anything at all. Maybe, she could admit it to herself, that was why she was so reluctant to let a man into her heart. She didn’t know if she could turn humans, and she was afraid of ever wanting to find out.

"I asked her, once, to let me do it. ‘Said no. And she was right."

His hand was still squeezing hers, as if that touch was the only thing holding him together.

"She was my sun," he said in a whisper. "For 30 bloody years she was the sun I will never see again. She brought the light back in my life. She was my life. "

His voice broke.

"Killing her would have been the same thing as killing myself. And now …"

He threw his head back and moaned, tears streaming from his closed eyes.

Lisa stared in shock, seeing the man she had always thought unbreakable crumble in front of her. Before she could think of anything to do or say, her siblings were in the room, alerted by the noise. William stayed back, his infant son cradled in his arms. Joyce Anne rushed to their father, and hugged him tight. He was still painfully gripping Lisa’s hand.

"Daddy, it will be ok," the youngest child said softly.

"No it won’t !" the vampire cried. "She’s gone. Gone !"

She shook him slightly to get his attention back.

"Look at me, dad. Look at Lisa. Look at William. What do you see ?"

He did as she had said, his eyes taking in the sight of his children and grand-child.

Their children.

Their family.

"I see her," he said in a low voice after a moment, his tears drying on his cheeks. "I see the sun."

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The characters and names used in these stories do not belong to me. All copyrights remain with Fox and Mutant Enemy. No profit is made from this fanfiction.

Here were the terms of the Challenge by Jinxanna on the Buffy / Spike Diaries site :

-Spike and Buffy are kidnapped
-taken to somewhere in in Europe or Asia
-They are used to make a half vampire (Buffy becomes pregnant)
-They are used because most humans can't carry a vampires child and Spike is not only from a famous line of vampires but is strong in his own right, not to mention he is chipped.They also seem to fit with the prophecy
-Before Buffy died and before she knew that Spike is in love with her
-Spike is in love with Buffy, Buffy does not share his feelings at first, things change. Not to quickly though, it has to take a while she starts out hating him after all
-Buffy despite herself wants the child as does Spike (duh!)
-The child is part of a prophecy (as are Buffy and Spike)
-The Watchers Council is connected to the kidnapping
-They want the child to be under their control, they also want Buffy and Spike in order to make more children
-They end up on the run
-The child is born and is a girl and has been born for a good part of the story
-When they make it home (however they do it) its been well over a year and a half
-The child has all the pros and none of the cons of both parents and their powers (though drinking blood makes her stronger and heal faster,and she is a night owl)
-Buffy becomes pregnant a second time, this time its all Spike and Buffys fault, no outside influence
-Lots of interaction with Scoobies and Angel characters
-Spike is a good father
-They defeat their enemies and get a happy ending
-Show a little of their future
-Your choice if you want to show what happened with the Scoobies while they where gone
-Your choice on how Buffy becomes pregnant the first time (examples, artificial insemination, a spell that forces them some how like making them really horny, or just being threatened, ect.)
-NC17 if you want